Flash the donkey - A Give-Away

Y'all may have heard I'm doing a 40 Day Sugar-fast with a couple hundred of my closest friends, right?  And we're talking about deep stuff, like every day.  Which can get exhausting.  Then yesterday I hit the wall - just worn out by all the deeply theological heart work, crying so much I thought I'd dry up and blow away, but I didn't.  So today I just wanted a break, you know, just a piece of chocolate maybe.  Nope, can't do that.  Maybe some mindless surfing online. No, gave that up too.  Maybe a book, yeah, a fluffy easy read.  Then this story about a donkey came to mind - seemed safe enough (or so I thought).  Yes! Just the thing.

Three chapters in, on an afternoon I desperately wanted to escape any more deep heart work, I was reading about Flash the donkey, who'd been abandoned then found a home with a new family, a family that was feeling rather abandoned as well.

Here's the part that really got me... One night, smack dab in the middle of an ice storm, Rachel and her husband Tom went out into the frigid night air to marvel at the icicles hanging from their rustic Texas barn.  It was then that they found their recently rescued pet standing wet, cold through, and shivering with ice hanging in clumps from his coat - just outside the confines of his warm sanctuary, full of hay and oats.

I was totally into the story, just for the endearing equine quality mind you, (remember I was taking a day off from all the spiritual lessons God's been teaching me) and then this happened:

"I suddenly had a vision of my own self - in the darkest moments of my own life - standing outside, cold and alone, just as Flash had been. Oh sure, there had been many times I'd needed help and had been comforted by the shelter of God's presence. But there had also been just as many times that I'd stood shivering in lonely misery. Could it be possible that in my own moments of deepest need I had been just that close to comfort and not realized it?

Refuge -- true refuge in the face of life's struggles -- can be found only in Him. I know that. So why was it that when times got tough for us, the first thing I wanted to do was go shopping for a new purse? And eat something completely decadent, like a molten death-by-chocolatedessert topped with gooey ice cream? It's like I wanted to find comfort in the mall.  Or more specifically, the food court of the mall.  Or both.

Sometimes my refuge du jour was losing myself online in Facebook and Twitter.  Doing Google searches for red-carpet hairstyles or shopping on Amazon. I never got into alcohol, but I hear it does a bang-up job of numbing the pain.  I've got plenty of little "coping techniques" for stress and storms, but in reality all of them are just substitutes for true comfort. Temporary relief for my deeper problems.  They are counterfeits that seem like the real things, but in the end, don't work."

(Flash, by Rachel Anne Ridge Pg.50-51)

Seems as though God was chasing me down through a donkey named Flash, just like he'd done from cover to cover in the lives of Rachel and Tom, just like he's willing to do in your life - wherever you are, whatever you're going through.

My friends, I cannot recommend this simple, easy-to-read story of a donkey and his people near enough.  Especially if you are a bit tired of all the deep soul work faith seems to require, here's a delightful donkey-tale, full of application and opportunity to grow in faith.

You can order your own copy of Flash: The Homeless DonkeyWho Taught Me about Life, Faith, and Second Chances, or enter to win one today.

That's right, I'm giving a copy of this sweet book away! Choose any number of ways to be entered to win.  I'm also including a $25 gift card to PANERA, because sometimes you just need to get away from the farm to read for the afternoon.  And I love Panera. And God loves you!

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Just a Closer Walk with Thee

20 days ago I read this verse then prayed the most ridiculous prayer.  

Since I didn't actually know if I had strayed from the Lord, or if I even needed to return to Him... I simply asked Him to break my heart and cause me to weep and mourn if He wanted me to.

Stupid woman.

Stupid, stupid woman.

Today grief came upon me like a heavy cloak. I couldn't see it, but my body felt it something awful.  I ached from the peach fuzz softness of my skin to the calloused soles of my feel - then down deep into the sole of my soul. The basest lowliest places of myself - the bottom of every breath, every pore, every thought, all of it aching.

Miraculously I was all by myself at home for the day - so I grabbed my down comforter and gave in to the Great Comforter.  Praising Him for these unlikely hours, I opened wide my bedroom windows and crawled back under the covers.  When was the last time I'd spent a day heartsick under covers, hurting in those deep places? Before children - maybe before marriage altogether?  No, I can't recall... even in the midst of all the overwhelmed seasons of motherhood, I'd not known a day like this.  Slow and filled with ache.

"...fasting with weeping and with mourning."

Hour after hour, tears came then dried, again and again, always returning for another scathing journey down my cheeks, flushed.  By noon there was a thin white powder caked beneath my eyes.  Salt.  Dry salt.  I felt the granular texture of this salty faith-life between my fingers and thought of God's call that we are to live as salt in a flavorless faithless generation.  And then a knock at the window shifted my thoughts.

It was a butterfly fluttering her wings against the glass, darting off to the morning glory vine, then over to the milkweed just beyond, and back again for another gentle tap-tapping.  The scent of jasmine and orange blossoms wafted through opened windows and filled my room, and the melody of eucalyptus leaves rustled light and hopeful, which only made me cry again. Dear God, I wept big tired tears as I laid there like an invalid nursing a soul-sick heart.

Are you curious as to the particulars of my soul sickness?  Do you want to know what broke me to the quick today?  I'd tell you right now, I surely would, except there's really no story to tell.  It's just life; my own brand of challenges and you've got yours, but this was the day mine caught up to me. Overwhelmed from within and weighed heavy from without.  I'm guessing that's happened to you. Sometimes you get worn and weary from the journey, knees sore from praying, eyes strained from too little sleep, overwhelmed by the blessings that each carry challenges.  Yes, even the blessings carry their own trials. But you already know that, don't you? How even the most grateful heart can get worn out?

Again that monarch danced up close to the window, doing her most natural dance, erratic yet graceful, tempting me out of my cocoon. Suddenly I was hungry, craving a kiwi of all things, so I pulled the covers back and walked by the window where the butterfly remained. Touching the glass she brushed her wings against the outside pane and then fluttered off.

My hair fell unkept around my shoulder as I walked to the kitchen, grabbed some fruit then continued out into the promised sunshine of my garden.

There is no word to describe it, try as I may, the absolute peace that met me there. Sandals on, skirt getting a gentle snag as I passed by branches, weighed down heavy with blooms.

And I thought of my own life... weighed heavily down with good and glorious fruit. Marriage, children, this home, these flowers. Heavy laden.

Strolling up and down the rows I picked out the blossoms that would minister to me from vases. Garden sheers in my hand, my hand showing signs of sunspots already, and a basket at my feet. Clipping carefully the biggest, boldest blooms, I piled them high. Another tear spilled down because there were so many flowers. I could take as many as I desired and still the garden wouldn't lack. So many flowers. So much beauty. So much thanksgiving on a spring day mixed with sadness.

Carrying the basket from bush to bush I hummed, "Just a closer walk with thee, grant it Jesus, is my plea. Daily walking close to thee, let it be, Dear Lord, let it be." Humming turned to lyric as I came into the kitchen and began clipping and cleaning and arranging vase after vase.

I am weak, but Thou art strong; Jesus, keep me from all wrong; I’ll be satisfied as long As I walk, let me walk close to Thee.

In the quiet of my empty home I sang it loud and needy - as I decorated the inside of my home with the miracles God's done all around on the outside.

Isn't that the way it goes? Finding God at work all around us and choosing to glory in His goodness even when we are most sad? Though it's not always a magic wand and poof we are healed and happy.  Sometimes we are simply to walk with Him in the garden when we'd rather hide.

Working through my basket full of petals this afternoon, feeling the breeze minister through open windows, the leaves continued to fill my heart like a conversation. And so I responded, "Through this world of toil and snares, If I falter, Lord, who cares? Who with me my burden shares? None but Thee, dear Lord, none but Thee."

As His handiwork in nature decorates my home today - may the nearness of His Spirit decorate the hurting places in our lives. Yours and mine.

So often we stay tucked away inside our minds, our comfort zones and the literal protective girdle of our homes when we are hurting. However, closed up and detached when we are crying is dangerous! We need to eventually throw the comforter back to walk with The Comforter in the cool of the day, out into His garden, and praise Him there.

Just a closer walk with Thee, Grant it, Jesus, is my plea, Daily walking close to Thee, Let it be, dear Lord, let it be.

That time I ate ice cream and then remembered I was fasting - a guest post

I met Julie last fall when I came across her engaging blog series The Poetry of Raising Boys.  Because I sort of love poetry & have three boys - and she loves poetry & has 2 boys, we figured we were destined for friendship.  Therefore, having her join us today in my virtual Living Room is especially fun.  My only heartbreak is that SHE DIDN'T WRITE THIS POST IN RHYMING COUPLETS! Next time, she promises!

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"A shadow of the real – spiritual truths from physical cravings" guest post by Julie Kieras

He leaned in and whispered, “Do you want some ice cream?” After a hard night of getting the boys to bed, my one thought was, We deserve this time together... and a treat!

"Sure."

So he handed me two scoops of in a porcelain bowl. It wasn't just cold and creamy sweetness, this ice cream spoke LOVE to my soul. My husband's love language is service and he was serving me ice cream.  Yes, please. Before I could think “sugar fast” I'd already dug in, a slow savor of each cool drop.

Oops. Sugar fast, right?

When Wendy proposed a 40 Day Sugar-Fast a few weeks ago, I thought, “I’ve done the Whole30. This’ll be a cake walk!” Ah, but see, there’s the rub. No sooner do I commit to being off sugar, then I bring up… cake!? (Apparently, I have a serious sweet tooth.) I should have known up front that this was going to be a challenge, but I jumped onboard, expecting things to run smoothly. And they did.  For the first couple of days I was pleased with my success. I purposefully left the sugar out of my coffee, said “no thanks” to a friend’s offer of a mint, and drove by the coffee shop (because their offerings of blended-frozen-caffeines would certainly be my undoing).

Yet here I am, 19 days in, confessing with chagrin the times I’ve caved. When the cravings won out.

When I read this post here about falling off the wagon, I was both smitten and encouraged by the idea that “life doesn’t just happen.” That bowl of ice cream, that's just one example of the excuses I made. But there's always an excuse. And I always have choices.

That was sobering. So I've been thinking through it all - nearly halfway in.

What was so important about having that ice cream? Why did I out of habit drop a spoon of sugar in my coffee without realizing it? Why did I choose to indulge instead of deny? What were those choices saying about my life, my dependencies, and in turn, my walk with God?

Immediately I berated myself for how I'd failed at self-control, but then I read this and found my ability to do this religious thing was never God's heart for me:

He wants me fixed on Him - on what He has to teach me throughout the fast. 

As I sat there beating myself up for the times I stumbled, God showed me I had the wrong focus… I kept looking at the choices, the food, the results, and those things in my control. But that was never God's plan for me at all.  He wanted to talk to me about my deep desire for perfection, and that natural instinct I have to gut-it-out in my own strength… that's what He wants to do in me. The food was just a shadow of the real heart stuff He was getting at.

“How sweet are thy words unto my taste! Yea, sweeter than honey to my mouth!” (Psalm 119:103)

David clearly saw the connection between physical experiences and spiritual experiences -  physical sustenance mirroring our deep spiritual hunger! My deep hunger. The physical world simply a dim shadow, a hazy reflection of what is to come.

Therefore, let us look closely, then, through the lens of food, at our spiritual lives.

Bodies naturally crave sweetness, just as souls were created to crave the sweetness of His fellowship. Jesus spoke of  "those who hunger and thirst after righteousness” (Matthew 5:6) and we believe it, so let us look to both sides of this same coin. Just as we were “made to crave” physical sweetness when we have emotional needs... can we learn to feast on His righteousness instead?

• I’m sad.
• I’m distracted.
• I’m being social.
• I deserve a treat
• I’m taking a break

Can the reality of our natural cravings prompt us to consume Spiritual nourishment?  Wow!  What a thought! So much simpler than figuring out what spiritual cravings look like and feel like.  That sounds very elusive, don't you think?

As the deer pants for streams of water, so my soul longs for you, my God... (Psalm 42:1)

No, actually, I don't have holy cravings all the time.  And I can't seem to manufacture them either!  But what if we use these physical cravings to remind us of the deep spirit-cravings that are harder to identify?

When my husband serves me that delicious, decadent bowl of ice cream… I am overcome by a raw desire to taste the sweet… so much so that I cannot resist… I want to desire Christ like that. But until I do... I'm asking God to use these hunger pangs like an invitation...  To feast on Him, draw near to Him, to “taste and see” how very good He is.

I am most grateful for the physical blessings the Lord gives. For the pleasure of food. But I need to be careful that the pleasure of life doesn’t distract me from indulging in pleasure for the soul. Life, and all its sweetmeats, can never fill me.

I’ve had failures in this fast, maybe you have too, but I’m not going to let the failures overshadow the lessons.  Remember, this fast is just a shadow... pointing us to the only One who can ever truly satisfy.

As much as I love a bowl of ice cream, and it satisfies my “sweet tooth,” that too is just a shadow of the spiritual sweetness I can enjoy in His Presence.

Crave Christ. Give in to the sweetness of His Words. But until you do... let the earthly cravings point you to Him.  I'll be chasing hard right along with you.

*Written in collaboration with Wendy Speake!

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Julie is a former English teacher turned boy-mom. She entertains the idea of a novel in her head, while making up her own lyrics to popular nursery songs to entertain her young boys. In between the mess, she has a heart’s desire to see her family and home grow happy and strong in their faith. She writes about natural living, raising kids in faith, family activities, and motherhood musings at happystronghome.com

Falling off the wagon - Falling into Grace

Sitting in the second pew, sandwiched between my mother and my husband, bookended by love, I listened as the pastor spoke on sexual purity from Song of Solomon. I sat there praying for the hearts in the room that needed this specific encouragement, and then the pastor said a handful of words that didn't settle right in my spirit. "If you've remained pure up to this point, keep going.  And if you haven't stayed pure, (I know that life happens), commit to starting now."

Those words, cased in parenthesis, were meant to be a gentle hand extending grace, "I know that life happens." However, in his attempt to offer grace, our pastor missed the doorway through which grace always makes her triumphant entry.  That door is sin.

...where sin increased, grace abounded all the more

(Romans 5:20)

"I know that life happens."

Life is many things, but it is not a lazy river moving us gently one way or another. Though it winds and bends and forks often, we are rarely at the will of the river where sin is concerned.  Life doesn't just happen.  Sin doesn't just happen. Falling off the wagon...

doesn't. just. happen.

Sometimes psychosis or generational abuse leading to mental illness have made men and women unable to stand firm - without a miracle it is impossible to stay on the wagon. For those who suffer under such duress there is a measure of grace I cannot fathom.

However, for the rest of us with ears to hear and eyes to see and minds to perceive and the will to respond right, though life throws us sideways at times, we always have a choice.  There is always a choice which way to go.  So often I have made the wrong choice, an actively aware, sinful choice.

I've fallen off the wagon over and over again.

Goodness, y'all, I know it's just a Sugar-Fast that we've been doing together, but I believe there's application for us here.  Because the Lord convicts us how we are to act and which way we are to go, and so often we start off strong.  However, 16 days into our fast, 16 days into your sobriety, your purity, your commitment to spend time in the Word each day.  Nearly five months into New Year's Resolutions, and a few weeks after our Lenten season, abiding at His nail scarred side,  and we've fallen off the wagon.

Life isn't to blame - though we do try to cast blame.  No, life didn't push me over. Not even the enemy of this world can push us over when we are committed to standing firm.

You are from God, little children, and have overcome them; because greater is He who is in you than he who is in the world. (1 John 4:4) Therefore, my dear brothers and sisters, stand firm. Let nothing move you. (1 Corinthians 15:58)

Is there any conviction that you have felt in your spirit about the way you are living, the choices you are making?  Yelling at your children, unforgiveness in your marriage, alcohol in the afternoon to get you over the hurdle in your day, fantasizing about another man, other kids, another life? Are you binging and purging, though God has said, No More? Are you spending hours each day online, though the Spirit has whispered, Unplug? Eating sugar for comfort? Looking at pornography, coveting your neighbor's belongings or your perception of their life, spending more than you are making...?

Is there any area of your life that God has said, "This... I want this!  Don't follow the lazy river that opens up wide and accepting. Though it seems like a pleasure cruise at first, it leads only to death and destruction.  Stay the course! Return to me."

Enter through the narrow gate; for the gate is wide and the way is broad that leads to destruction, and there are many who enter through it. For the gate is small and the way is narrow that leads to life, and there are few who find it. (Matthew 7:13)

Sexual purity is just one of the many narrow gates that leads to life. Committing to stand firm within the boundaries, those blessed hedges the Lord wants to protect us within,  requires us to be on guard in all areas of our loving, serving, married or single, parenting or childless lives. We must be on guard and stand firm, because we have an enemy.

Be alert and of sober mind. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour. (1 Peter 5:8)

God is so faithful to speak to you, tell you what He wants and doesn't want in your life.  Then He goes so far as to give you the power of His Holy Spirit to help and guide you. But we have a choice to follow through.

I had a friend years ago who was always so quick to sense God's conviction in her life. It amazed me the way she'd communicate how God was speaking to her heart about various things He wanted to refine in her. I'd never heard someone talk out loud about this stuff before. And yet, what I learned from her example was that we can be open to conviction, repent even, and still not follow through with change.

Some people are like seed along the path, where the word is sown. As soon as they hear it, Satan comes and takes away the word that was sown in them. (Mark 4:15)

Just because we heard the Lord's conviction, and experienced His lifting us out of the mud of sin and sadness, putting us up onto the steady wagon, headed securely in the right direction, doesn't mean we're going to stay on that wagon.  The Christian life takes muscle and self-control - and we often have to swim upstream against that lazy river pull.  Am I right?  But we can!  We can.  With Jesus Christ we can.

His divine power has given us everything we need for a godly life through our knowledge of him who called us by his own glory and goodness. (2 Peter 1:3)

If you fall, choosing sin again and again, know this: Where Sin increases, grace abounds all the more! Let His Grace meet you there, extending her own hand, and pulling you to your feet again, lifting and guiding you back to a firm foundation... then stand firm.  And when you have done all you can to stand... Keep Standing!  Experience the power of His Grace, perfected in your weakness, and keep standing, Friend!

We are 16 days into our 40 day Sugar-fast, and some of you keep stopping and starting, falling off the wagon.  If God has spoken to your heart, convicting you that something needs to be taken out of your diet, out of your life, then climb back on friends.  Just this morning my husband announced that he's doing a "25 day sugar fast" for the rest of our 40 days!  And you can too.

Join us!

I WANT GOD!

I fasted from dating when I was in my twenties. It didn't last long. I tried again, then again and again, failing miserably every time.  It was the most difficult fast I ever attempted. I suffered from something embarrassingly called "Love Addiction."  So desperate for love to fill in the holes. How awful to admit!  As a matter of fact, I wonder why I don't just keep the ugly hidden. But I know you've got them too - holes you've worked in vain to fill with all the wrong stuff. People and chocolate, toys and boys and noise. Oh yes, the noise.

Maybe you've found yourself addicted to the noise, filling every moment like just maybe it will fill you up too.   Even as you sleep there's a TV on, or a radio announcer giving a play by play of your dreams.

There was a season in my life when I'd wake up, reach over, and hit play on the radio before my feet hit the floor. Bringing it into the bathroom with me as I cranked the shower to hot.  Singing through my house and my days, always music.  And it feels good and there's nothing wrong with it... unless it stops you from hearing, and I had stopped hearing.  So I fasted from music, because I had grown addicted to the noise that canceled out any conviction.

Around this time I think my favorite CD was probably The Dixie Chicks', Wide Open Spaces.

Cowboy take me away - Fly this girl as high as you can, into the wild blue Set me free oh I pray - Closer to heaven above and closer to you.

Hmmmm... The past is suddenly uncomfortably clear - I'm pretty sure, looking back, that these two fasts must have walked hand in hand.  This song and that no-dating thing. And since I'm on a roll now, confessing all my uglies, I might as well tell y'all that I married the last guy who broke my no-dating resolve, and this was the song we danced our first dance to.  We did the Cowboy Cha-Cha.

That was a bit more backstory than I had planned to divulge.  However, the main point about that particular fast is this - While Pandora is great and iTunes stands at the ready and your home is wired for surround sound, it's hard to hear when the volume is all-consuming.  Consuming every hole with decibels, entertainment and voices... but not the voice that matters most.

Sometimes we just don't want to hear.  Other times, life gets busy and we don't recognize the way our music has waltzed us off in its embrace, leading us so far away.  And the TV in the background has become a steady rush of static.  No clear messages coming through, just the buzz of nothing. The sound of the needle at the end of vinyl. Sometimes you just have to turn the music off to listen.

There are many different ways to fast and pray.

This lady here is on a shopping fast, because she doesn't want anything keeping her from God. As a matter of fact, Lisa Whittle wants God so passionately... she wrote a whole book about the wanting.  I want God is more like a torch than a paperback, promising to start an all-consuming fire if we're willing to turn off the static and seek Him, turn from the filling and be filled, turn from the attempts to be loved, and simply Want. His. Love.

Are you ready to be consumed by the Love of God?  Well, don't you know you've got to let go of the all-consuming to be consumed?  The all-consuming noise, people, screentime, food, that's filling up each waking moment, and be consumed by God, from the inside out. It's a funny thought, letting something consume us when we are the consumers.  Buying, worshipping, eating our way to the goal - satisfaction is that goal.  But, as we know, "I can't get no Satisfaction, and I've tried and I've tried and I've tried and I've tried."  We've gone "looking for love in the all the wrong places - and we've tried and we've tried and we've tried and we've tried."

No, the consuming never fills the gaping need.  Because while we were made to Crave, the only way to be truly satisfied is for God's Holy Spirit to consume our lives from the inside out. It's the only way to be filled.  Ironically consuming God, feasting on Him, can't even fill us on its own.  We must be consumed by His Holy Spirit. The filling is what He does - we can't even earn it by ingesting Him.  We must surrender and let Him fill us from within.  Not from wihout. Within.

In my heart and my soul Lord I give You control Consume me from the inside out.

(From the Inside Out, Hillsong)

Is your life all-consuming?  No margin, it's all filled up - all-consumed? Then maybe you need to fast from the go-go-going.  This 40 Day Sugar-fast is getting less and less about SUGAR, and more and more about our hearts, in total surrender.

15 days into our 40 day fast, and we've feasted on 40 scriptures,  renounced lies and believed truth, talked about what fasting is and what it isn't, but here's what I'm finding now... We need to turn off the static. Is there anything else in your life that's filling your life without satisfying your heart?  Anything else God is calling you to let go of, so that He might grab hold of your ears and make you to hear Him?

Let's turn off the noise, the going, the food, and the screens and simply Want God... that He might do the miracle work of consuming us... from the inside out.

Yes?

Let's Pray:

Dear Lord, speak to my heart today and enable my ears to hear.  Is there anything in my life that's all-consuming that I need to let go of, so that I might say yes to your consuming love?  I want You, God.  I've just been wanting other things for so long now that I'm a little unsure how to go about coming back to your heart. I know you're in my heart, but I've lost the ability to hear your own heartbeat.  God, please help me.  Humbly, weakly, and all-together needy, Yours. Amen.