God is For You - Even When Life Isn't - Guest Post by Emily Wierenga

It's been awhile since I've had a guest here in my Living Room, sitting beside me upon that orange couch, with the word FAMILY like a cushion beneath our feet - talking through life amidst young children and dreams - our sense of self-worth bouncing perilously between the two. But these are conversations we simply must make time for. And so it is with a heart full of gratitude that I introduce you to one of my very favorite authors. Emily Wierenga is the person and the pen behind last year's bondage-breaking memoir Atlas Girl, and this year's moving sequel, Making It Home: Finding My Way to Peace, Identity and Purpose.  

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God is For You—Even When Life Isn’t (FREE webcast!)

By Emily T. Wierenga

“I don’t know how to tell you this, Emily, but—they said no.” I’m on the phone with my agent two weeks after giving birth to my nearly nine-pound Kasher and I’m crying before she starts because I know.

“It’s been so long,” I whisper. It’s all the breath left in me.

“I know—I’m so sorry,” she says, and we’re silent together, except for my hiccupping sobs. An editor has been courting the manuscript for a year, and after three hundred and sixty five days of waiting, the publishing board has said no and I have nothing.

Forgetting how doctors had said I wouldn’t be able to have children, forgetting about the miracle that lies in my arms and the other one that’s coloring a picture at the Ikea kids’ table. Forgetting about the man who lives to make me laugh, who’s making wine in the kitchen, forgetting the sound of Mum’s voice on the end of the line, the voice of a woman I’d thought would die now lives, healed of her brain tumor.

Forgetting that a book deal is not what gives me a name, but it’s all I hear: the sound of rejection on the other end of the line, the sound of me, being made a fool, for all my waiting and hoping. The champagne bottle unopened in the fridge.

“Everything okay?” Trent mouths the words at me. I shake my head. Kasher asleep in my arms and my agent telling me I should spend some time writing what I want to write. To put this book aside and just do something that brings me joy.

I don’t know what that means. I don’t know how to do anything for joy and then I remember dating Trent. I remember that kiss in the rain outside his townhouse; I remember hours on the carpet with my head on his chest, talking, listening to the radio and I remember midnight bike rides to Rundle Park, playing Frisbee golf and watching movies just to hold each other’s hand.

A joy that writes what it wants to.

“Alright,” I say, and my agent prays with me and we say Goodbye.

I wonder how long she will put up with me. I haven’t sold anything yet and Aiden’s showing me his picture. It’s a scribble of green marker—his favorite color—and he’s got green on his lips and he’s smiling but his eyebrows are raised. He’s wondering if I like it, and he’s only two. His mommy’s fears course through him and I kneel down and hug him, tell him, “It’s magnificent, son, I can’t wait to hang it on the fridge,” and his small body relaxes.

He knows in this moment that I love him because I said I like his picture but I want for him what I want for me: the long-lasting sense of self in spite of what the world tells him. I want him to be so at peace that he can sleep in the boat while the storm rocks and I want him to know without a shadow of a doubt the confidence that makes a person walk on water.

And maybe if I learn it, he will too.

This excerpt is taken from Emily Wierenga’s new memoir, Making It Home: Finding My Way to Peace, Identity and Purpose. Order HERE.

What does it mean to be a woman and to make a home? Does it mean homeschooling children or going to the office every day? Cooking gourmet meals and making Pinterest-worthy home décor? In Making It Home: Finding My Way to Peace, Identity, and Purpose, author and blogger Emily Wierenga takes readers on an unconventional journey through marriage, miscarriage, foster parenting and the daily struggle of longing to be known, inviting them into a quest for identity in the midst of life’s daily interruptions. Get your copy HERE. Proceeds benefit Emily’s non-profit, The Lulu Tree.

Get FREE downloadable chapters from Making It Home HERE.

Sign up for the FREE Making It Home webcast featuring Liz Curtis Higgs, Holley Gerth, Jennifer Dukes Lee and Jo Ann Fore (with Emily Wierenga as host), 8 pm CT on September 10, 2015, HERE (http://eepurl.com/bqa8fX). Once you sign up you’ll be automatically entered for a giveaway of each of the authors books.

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Emily T. Wierenga is an award-winning journalist, columnist, artist, author, founder of The Lulu Tree and blogger at www.emilywierenga.com. Her work has appeared in many publications, including Relevant, Charisma, Desiring God, The Gospel Coalition, Christianity Today, Dayspring's (in)courage and Focus on the Family. She is the author of six books including the travel memoir Atlas Girl and speaks regularly about her journey with anorexia. She lives in Alberta, Canada, with her husband, Trenton, and their children. For more info, please visit www.emilywierenga.com. Find her on Twitter or Facebook.

Fasting Dr. Pepper for the sake of motherhood - a guest post

Today's guest is so much fun... You're just going to love her!  She's a stay-at-home mom who tells it like it is, daring to take the formality out of this Christian life while still managing to get deep-down to the bottom of what it's all about... Jesus doing a total redemptive miracle each emptied out, palms up, I-need-Jesus day. Laura Mitchell inspires me with her youthful exuberance, even though she confesses to being weary and worn by motherhood most days. Today I've invited Laura to sit with me on my orange couch - which she has promised to visit IRL (in real life) one day soon!  I told you she's fun!

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“Mom, why are you so mad?”

“I’m just tired.” I replied.

TIRED. More than tired. I was frustrated. I had not lived up to my idea of a “GOOD” mom; my child had not lived up to my idea of a “GOOD” child. The events of the day, while a blur now, unraveled like a seam on an over worn shirt. I’m sure I probably lost it over some kind of accident, spilled milk, or my unrealistic expectation about how nap-time would go.

And then The Lord, in all of His goodness, shined His light on my life that dark night. And I saw things clearly.  Friend, let me pause here and let you glimpse into the illuminated depths of my heart.  It's not pretty, you'll see, and for a while I was ashamed of what I saw. But GRACE, He spoke with such grace as He brought correction to my heart.

Here is what He spoke:

“Yes, you are tired, but I am tired as well. Tired of you fixing your eyes on the things of this world. Tripping over the small things in life. Exploding on the gifts I have given you. I have given you the desires of your heart and you are flailing around spewing unkind words, frustrated. You are acting no different than they are. Like a child. Today I am more concerned with how you are growing up than how they are growing up. You storm, you fuss, you fight, you are not gracious, and I am tired. Tired of watching you fixate on the outward problems instead of fixing your gaze on me. I want you to look me in the eyes, to fix your eyes on me. I am the author and finisher of your faith."

My heart was soft as I heard from the Lord about my mothering.  Fixate, Fixing, fix, fix fix... the words echoed in my heart, and then He gently went on:

You say things like, ‘I NEED Dr. Pepper.’ You don’t need a quick fix. You NEED to fix your eyes on me and let me fix the rest. Fix you, fix your children, fix this whole sin-entagled predicament you're in. How about you quit trying to fix your children and let me fix them. I can’t fix them, when you're spiraling out of control, running to temporary things to cover up your shortcomings. When you run to this world to fix your problems, what does this inadvertently teach your children? Come to me, let me fix you, and you'll be leading by example. Breathe deep, call on my name, and ask me to give you grace, strength and wisdom. I am the Great Physician not Dr. Pepper. Dr. Pepper cannot stabilize your emotions, and bring health to your bones. But Jehovah Rapha can - I can and I will. My word is health to your bones, it quickens your mortal body, gives you strength to endure. Dr. Pepper cannot fix your spirit. Your spirit is what needs fixing. You are broken, and that is a good thing, remember a broken spirit and a contrite heart I have yet to deny. Come to me, weary, heavy laden with burdens and I will give you rest. You will lead your children to me when you come to me, crawling, crying, running, singing, dancing in my presence. Your actions reflect me. My character is marred every time you choose to walk by the frustrations of the flesh, rather than walking by the fruit of the spirit. Your children need to see a living example of my goodness and love. I can and will use you to walk this out. I want to use you to display my glory so they can come to know me at an early age. I want to use you to show them how to run to me when they need help and not temporary fixes of this world.

“When I said, “My foot is slipping,” your unfailing love, Lord, supported me. When anxiety was great within me, your consolation brought me joy.” (Psalm 94:18)

I called for help during this 40 day fast, and God told me straight up what He wanted me to fast. It wasn't what I had planned to give up, but He spoke it clearly.  Fix your eyes on me. So I gave up Dr. Pepper. And I changed my daily routine, all the ways I turned to the world to fix my stress and disappointments. I fasted from facebook for chunks of time each day, that I might fix my eyes on His face.  And I made time to call on His Name throughout the day, not just at night as I repented for the times I had failed.  I fasted from the quick fix and refused to get swept up in the tumultuous sea of condemnation and guilt. I fasted from the quick fix, and fixed my eyes on Him.

I fix my eyes on Him. (Hebrews 12:1-3)

Over and over again I am practicing this fixing my eyes - and He is faithfully fixing me as I do.

Pausing at lunch, at nap-time, and in the evening, allowing Him to refuel me. Those are the times I used to run to "the Dr.", but now I run to The Great Physician Himself. And we take praise breaks, the kids and I do, to give thanks throughout the day when we are all fussing and frustrated. Fixing our eyes on Him rather than watching Mama run for a fix. Together, we are actively pursuing lifestyles that honor Him and cling to His ways. We are choosing to trust in the Lord with all of our hearts, and remain confident that He will finish and perfect,  the work he started. We are finding ways to refocus, change our perspective, and fix our eyes on Him.

Tell me: What are some of the ways you have found during this fast to help you fix your eyes on Jesus? Did you realize there was a deeper work that needed to happen in your heart than just changing your diet? How has becoming more focused on Jesus changed the way you parent?

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Laura Mitchell is a wife, mom of two boys, writer, and inspirational speaker.  She's a lover of sunsets and coffee, laughing and Jesus.  Visit her at her website, Hope Anchors, where she shares about finding hope for every need in her life in Christ alone.

Follow along with her on facebook, pinterest or twitter

Fasting Like a Child - a guest post

Our guest today is very special to me.  In fact, Christy Nueman has taught me more about Praying and Fasting, and therefore seeing God in the everyday moments of a simple life, than anyone else.  More than any book, any blog post, any other friend. And so, I find today's story especially sweet because, in a way, I had the same experience her son had... I saw the way his mother would fast and pray, and the joy she received coming to the Lord this way, and I wanted to emulate her as well.  

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Fasting Like a Child, by Christy Nueman

My 6-year old son matter-of-factly announced, "I'm going to pray and fast. No bananas for 4-days."

I stopped talking mid-sentence. Silence settled. I shot a sideways glance across the dinner table. My husband stiffened like a bronze statue. He stared at the ceiling. His forehead crinkled and eyebrows furrowed.

I sipped some water to stall. My head felt like a 15 pound bowling ball resting on my clinched fist. Questions flooded my mind. Can a child fast? Does he know what fasting means? What will he do without his favorite snack for 4-days?

My son swallowed his last bite of buttered pasta. “Mom, I’m all done. Can I have dessert now?”

He started fidgeting in the chair. I stammered, “Sure, sweetheart. We’ll have dessert soon. But are you sure you want to fast? You know that means no bananas for 4-days.”

He confidently answered, "Yeah. I want to fast because I want to get this close to God." He pushed his pudgy palms firmly together to emphasize, “this close”. Somehow with those four words—THIS CLOSE TO GOD—our simple supper became sacred.

I locked eyes with my son. His hazel eyes beamed. Mine brimmed with tears.

“When do you want to start?” I asked.

“Tomorrow” he answered.

And he didn’t eat a single banana for the next 4-days.

Almost immediately, we saw the Lord begin to move in unusual ways during and after our little one's fast.  Funny to me, he gave up fruit and suddenly we saw spiritual fruit in his life.  However, this ripe “fruit” initially looked blemished and bruised.

Let me explain. About a week after his 4-day “no bananas” fast, my son got sick. We had just moved cross-country and my husband was on an extended business trip. I sent a desperate SOS text to a brand-new friend in my neighborhood. And before I knew it, she dropped off a bunch of bananas, a coloring book and medicine at my doorstep. I had only asked for prayer. And like a flash flood this storm-of-sickness passed.

A couple days later my son scribbled a single sentence. He read it out loud, “I can see Jesus.”

I scooted next to him and said, “You know. That’s like the verse from Matthew 5:8. Blessed are the pure in heart for they will see God.”

Then a thought illuminated my mind like a bolt of lightning. It was an image of Jesus calming my son’s storm-of-sickness—just like He calmed the furious squall on the Sea of Galilee for His fearful disciples.

My heart instantly warmed. Praise pulsed from my head to my toes. I exhaled deeply and blurted out, “Hey! Do you remember right after you fasted bananas for 4-days you got really sick? And I sent that prayer request to my friend and she brought you that big bunch of bananas. We didn’t even ask for bananas.”

His eyes widened. A gradual grin formed and he said, “Yeah, yeah! I remember. That’s a miracle!” I nodded whole-heartedly.

Yes, I do believe God performs miracles every day—miracles ordinary and extraordinary. Sometimes I think the greatest miracle is awareness of the nearness of our “Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace” (Isaiah 9:6).

Dear Friends, are you in need of a miracle?  Are you needing to sense the nearness of God in your life? Fasting improves our spiritual senses. Just like looking through a magnifying glass helps us see an object in greater detail—fasting magnifies God. We begin to see God everywhere—His presence, power, peace, provision, and protection our lives. Jesus was called Immanuel which translated means “God with us” (Matthew 1:23). And He promises us, “And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age" (Matthew 28:20).

Do you want to see a miracle? Have you considered joining this fast?

Today marks day 24 of this “no sugar” fast. which means that if you start today, you have a glorious (albeit challenging) 16 days ahead of you!  It’s not too late for you to join.

Maybe you’ve heard about this fast from family and friends, but you’ve thought, “This isn’t the best time for me. I’ve never fasted before. And I can’t possibly fast from sugar that long.” But you just can’t silence that persistent urging to give it a try. Join us!

Or perhaps you began this fast leading the pack, but you stopped because of stress or sickness. And now you feel disqualified. Let me assure you there is nothing that can make you ineligible to fast. Join us!

But if you’re still not convinced that fasting is for you, can I tell you a funny fasting faux pas?

When I casually mentioned this 40-day fast to my husband, he looked hesitant. But without wavering, my son said, “Yeah, Daddy! Let’s all fast together!” He couldn’t resist my son’s infectious enthusiasm. So fasting became a family affair.

However on the first day of the 40-day fast my Kindergartener bashfully admitted he ate a cupcake at school. So we made this age-appropriate exception: our son’s fast started when he got home every day.

And this is good news for two reasons: God’s grace never changes and there’s not just one-way to fast. Keep in mind that Biblical fasting is going without food, but other examples of fasting are abstaining from things like: sugar, caffeine, alcohol, TV, social media, sleep and even sex for a period of time.

After his cupcake confession, my son looked deeply into my eyes and said, “Well, I think it’s going to take two or three fasts for me to get really close to God.”

I paused and prayed for wise words. “You know. God loves you so much. And He is always with you. But in this life, we’ll always desire to feel closer to God—no matter how many times we pray and fast. Our earthly eyes can only see God like a dim reflection in a mirror, but in heaven we’ll have new eyes that can see Him.”

My son’s eyes brightened and he said, “I can’t wait to see Jesus!” And in the very next breath he said, “Mom, will you make me snickerdoodle cookies when this fast is over?”

I tickled his tummy. Tiny giggles erupted.

“Of course, I will!” I answered. And I sealed the deal by kissing his round cheek.

Prayer:

Lord, I want to see miracles. Help me to walk by faith not by sight. I desire supernatural eyesight to see You working all things together for good in my current life storm. Teach me lasting lessons from this simple story about fasting like a child. In Jesus’ name. Amen.

Scriptures:

“When I was a child, I spoke as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child…For now we see in a mirror, dimly, but then face to face. Now I know in part, but then I shall know just as I also am known.” 1 Corinthians 13:11, 12 (NKJV)

“At that time the disciples came to Jesus and asked, ‘Who, then, is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven?’ He called a little child to him, and placed the child among them. And he said: ‘Truly I tell you, unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven. Therefore, whoever takes the lowly position of this child is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven. And whoever welcomes one such child in my name welcomes me.’” Matthew 18:1-5 (NIV)

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Don't you agree?  Isn't Christy just the most darling example to follow as we tentatively learn to draw near to God in this new way?  Of course, she'd blush in my literal Living Room if we were all sitting around together today.  But here in this virtual space... I can gush as much as I please!

Christy Nueman lives a simple life deep-in-the-heart of Texas with her college sweetheart and son. She’s passionate about marriage, motherhood and ministry. She’s co-founder of A.B.I.D.E. Adoption and Infertility Ministry and on the Board of Directors for Sarah's Laughter. She warmly welcomes guest bloggers from all seasons of life to share their stories on her blog called The Write Season.

Learning to fast - Learning to feast - a guest post

There are friends we have "In Real Life" and others that we've only met online.  In my world, Asheritah falls into the latter category. While I look forward to the day we meet together in a literal Living Room, (hers, mine, or the one that awaits in glory) today I get to welcome her into our virtual Living Room.  I know you'll be blessed to hear of her journey, learning to fast.

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I'm no stranger to fasting.

Growing up in a Romanian Baptist missionary family, we fasted when we needed God to take our prayer requests more seriously. In high school, I fasted from all food every Tuesday for two years, ignoring my anemia and my mother's concern because I was convinced that spiritual growth would only come to those who fast.

But I was doing it wrong.

Every time I fasted, I'd pretend I wasn't really hungry, telling myself that if I really loved God I shouldn't care if I ate or not. Though I tried to pray and read during my lunch hour, I was so distracted by thoughts of food that I couldn't focus. And wouldn't you know it, potlucks always happened on Tuesday, too! It seemed like the universe was conspiring against me.

So I gave up fasting altogether.

For four years, I didn't fast except for the annual Good Friday fast. Then, in college, I experimented with different sorts of fasting during Lent: I gave up meat one year, Facebook another, and sugar yet another year. And while those fasts taught me a lot about myself, my struggles, and my serious food addiction, they didn't draw me closer to God.

Stuffed with Good Gifts

It came as a surprise when my New Year quest to deal with my sugar tooth collided with my apathy toward God. Frankly, I didn't see the connection.

But as I searched Scripture verses to help me overcome my food addiction, God opened my eyes to see that I had been using food (specifically sweets) to curb the longings that should drive me straight to God. I wasn't hungering for God because I was satisfied with His gifts.

I picked up John Piper's book, A Hunger for God (which heavily influenced this post and my whole perspective on fasting), and was struck by his challenging words:

If you don't feel strong desires for the manifestation of the glory of God, it is not because you have drunk deeply and are satisfied. It is because you have nibbled so long at the table of the wold. Your soul is stuffed with small things and there is no room for the great. - John Piper

That hit me like a slap across the face. I didn't desire God because I ran to food instead. And fasting from food didn't help because I used it to impress God with my spirituality, to spiritualize healthy eating, and, if I'm being completely honest, to show myself just how disciplined I could be.

For the first two months of 2015, I still struggled with my food addiction because I tenaciously refused to look at any food as "bad." If God gave it to us, we should enjoy it, right? But as Piper goes on to say,

In the heart of the saint, both eating and fasting are worship. Both magnify Christ. Both send the heart--grateful and yearning--to the Giver. Each has its appointed place, and each has its danger. The danger of eating is that we fall in love with the gift; the danger of fasting is that we belittle the gift and glory in our willpower. - John Piper

I had fallen in both of extremes, turning to food as my comfort as well as priding myself in how many hours I can go without eating. And in both cases, I missed the point: Jesus invites us to deny ourselves the pleasures of this world and feast on Him instead.

Turning Fasting Into Feasting

Jesus fasted for 40 days and nights before He began His public ministry (Matthew 4:1-11). It's a passage worth prayerfully reading and studying as you embark on this sugar fast. Mirroring Israel's 40-year wandering in the desert, Spirit led Jesus into the wilderness and let him be hungry that He might test Him to see what was in His heart (Deuteronomy 8:2). Fasting is God's testing ground--it reveals the things that control us and the things in which we find the most satisfaction.

And it's in fasting that we recognize whether we rely on food or on God. That's what Jesus meant when He replied to Satan's invitation to turn stone into bread: "Man shall not live on bread alone, but on every word that proceeds out of the mouth of God" (Matthew 4:4). It wasn't an issue of eating or not eating; Jesus was pressing the issue of what He desired more than food, and that is God. Our souls were made to crave God, not food.

What I was missing all those years of fasting was a hunger for God. Instead of allowing my physical hunger to drive me to my knees in worship and confession, I tried to ignore it, willing myself to overcome temptation. But I was missing the point.

The point of fasting isn't just to fast from food; the point of fasting is to feast on God. Every time we fast we proclaim, with Jesus, "I live not by bread alone (or chocolate, or ice cream, or my skinny dolce latte) but by You, Lord. Even if I never again taste my favorite treat, I will be happy and fulfilled in You!"

Focusing on the One Who Satisfies

Fasting is still a struggle for me. But I've found that when I arm myself with the Word of God, I can recognize the gifts that seduce my soul and turn my attention back to God.

I've posted verses on my refrigerator door, in my pantry, next to my bed, and on my iPhone wallpaper to remind myself to feast on the Bread of Life. And slowly, ever so slowly, sugar's grip is loosening its hold on me as I choose instead to delight in God.

My appetite for God has awakened, and I'm more eager to spend time in prayer and worship than I was before. While my brain might still be foggy from the sugar detox, my soul is soaring to God's throne room. I'm finding that His presence sustains me when I face sorrow or disappointment; He handles my emotional highs and lows, giving me grace and mercy, joy and strength, things that can never be found in a candy bar.

He is everything I need, and I realize that when He is all I have.

As you fast, keep your heart and mind focused not on what you're giving up but on what you're gaining. Take captive those thoughts of donuts and salted caramel truffles to drive you to your knees and declare, "This much, o Lord, I want You! As my body craves sugar and my mind is consumed with thoughts of food, I want my heart to be consumed by a hunger for You!"

And as we pray and fast and meditate on Jesus, we will learn to feast on God. He will draw near to us as we draw near to Him, and we will find our true delight in the Lover of our souls. A pleasure no sugar rush could ever match.

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Asheritah helps overwhelmed women find joy in Jesus on her blog and through her books & art. She welcomes old and new friends to OneThingAlone.com to share a cup of tea and together pursue real intimacy with Jesus.

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Win

Fasting and eating disorders - a guest post

Today I welcome to my Living Room one of the sweetest friends I have ever known. Author Kelli Stuart offers us her wisdom, as we press in and press on in this 40 day Sugar-Fast.

It's Time to Live Free

I was twelve the first time someone made me aware of my body shape. A friend held up a magazine, and on the cover was a waif-ish model, for this was the early '90's, and very thin was very in. This friend of mine was also stick thin, her body shape so different from my more athletic build.

"This is what you need to try to get to," she said. "If you were thinner, we could share clothes."

That was all it took. The tiny seed of insecurity planted in my formative mind, and from that day forward, the image I saw in the mirror was a distorted version of my true self.

It wasn't a fast descent into anorexia and bulimia for me, but more of a slow fade. It started with the comment from my thin friend. This only got the wheels turning, and I began to limit my food portions because maybe she was right. Maybe there was an easy solution to my "problem."

A few months after that first comment, my gymnastics coach yelled at me from across the gym after a particularly rough training day on floor. "What's the matter with you today? You sound like a cow trying to tumble out there. Stop being so heavy on your feet!"

Looking back on it now, I don't think she was calling me fat. The lightest of gymnasts can sound heavy when not tumbling properly. But the seed had already been planted, and so my youthful heart translated her words to mean something different than intended, and the slippery slope on which I stood grew steeper.

I traveled a battled path with eating for a decade. From the ages of 13-23, I fought this fight, knowing in my heart that my relationship with food was an unhealthy one. I sought counsel, saw doctors, asked for prayer, and tried to beat it on my own. I starved myself for days. Binged and purged for weeks on end. Exercised through exhaustion, and tried to hide the depth of my problem as much as I possibly could.

I was ashamed of my inability to control myself around food, and I hated that when I looked in the mirror, I couldn't seem to see what everyone else saw.

I thought it would get better when I got married. Somehow, I thought the committed love of a man would free me of all insecurities because, after all, I didn't need to impress anyone anymore, right?

But it didn't get better and, in fact, my shame grew, because now the harm I did to my body directly affected my husband.

Finally, in early March, 2002, I'd had enough. I was so tired of fighting the battle, and I fell to my knees after another day of failing with food.

"Take it from me, Lord! I don't want this anymore! I just want to be done."

In that moment, I felt a power rush through me that I find hard to adequately explain. It's the only time in my life I've felt His touch in such a tangible way. It felt much like the image given to us of the woman with the issue of blood who reached out and touched Jesus' robe, and was instantly healed.

I felt healed. An inner repair happened in my body that was instantaneous, and I knew I had just been freed from the shackles that had held me down for so long. And so it was that I heard His voice clearly speak to my heart.

You have my healing. You're free. Now live free.

In the thirteen years since that beautiful moment in my Dallas apartment, I have lived in freedom from the bondage of an eating disorder. But this freedom and this healing in which I live comes with a price. Though I am free, I must live responsibly.

I am not participating in this 40 Day Sugar Fast. In fact, I don't ever participate in food fasts, because in my spirit I know that fasting from food sets me right back on that slippery slope. Asking me to deny myself food, even the simple act of denying myself sugar, is like asking a recovering alcoholic to step into a bar alone and pray.

This freedom in which I live rests on my ability to manage my eating, and the best way for me to manage my food intake is to simply not think too much of it.

I eat as balanced a diet as I can muster with four children in the house. Some days I eat well, other days I don't. But the Lord has given me victory over the stronghold of food, and so I live in that freedom each and every day.

I've tried fasting in the years since I was healed, but I've found that the second I decide to deny myself food, the more I begin to think about it, and it isn't long before I feel consumed. It's not healthy, and it threatens my freedom.

But there are other areas in my life in which I can step away. There are a lot of ways to fast, and so as I've watched Wendy take the helm on this 40 Day Sugar Fast, I've decided to take the role of co-pilot. While she fights for victory over sugar intake, and so many of you join her in that march, I am here praying over you all, faithfully asking the Lord to grant you victory in the strongholds that threaten to undo you.

As for me, I've chosen to step away from social media in the morning hours. This is my spiritual fast. I will not engage online until I have engaged with the Lord - until I've prayed for you, and for your victory.

There are still strongholds in my life that need to be broken. I long to live a victorious life as Wendy encouraged us all yesterday. But I will not live in victory by denying myself sugar. The Lord already broke that stronghold for me thirteen years ago, and I rest firmly in that victory.

The Lord has the power to free us all from the shackles that bind us. So in the fighting and the seeking, the fasting and the hours and hours of praying, may we have the courage and faith to reach out our hands and touch His garment, then relish in the flow of His healing power as He whispers His promise:

You have My healing. You're free. Now live free.

Resource:

If  you are desperate to help a daughter, sister or friend, who is wasting away under your watchful eye, Emily Weirenga's moving resource, Chasing Silhouettes: How to Help a Loved One Battling an Eating Disorder may be just the resource you need to love her through this fight.

More about today's guest:

Kelli Stuart is a writer and mom of four who spends most of her days shuttling children from one event to another in her smokin’ hot minivan. Kelli discovered blogging when her youngest was a newborn. She launched her first site, Minivans Are Hot, as a way to write about the often baffling and hilarious business of being a mother, knowing that if she didn’t laugh at life, she just might cry. She is the author of Like a River from its Course and co-author of Life Creative: Inspiration for Today's Renaissance Mom.  You can keep up with her over at KelliStuart.com — Kelli currently lives in Tampa, Florida where she tries hard to concentrate on balancing her love of writing with her desire to sit on the beach and read a good book.

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