Say Yes to Your Husband

Summer is the Season of Yes.

"Yes, you may swim...  Yes, I'll play a board game with you... The beach again?  Why, of course...

I've already championed our need to Slow Down and Say Yes to our Kids This Summer!  Saying Yes to their summertime fun is actually saying Yes to our relationships with them.  Meeting them in the sunshine and rubbing bronzed shoulders, because we only have a limited number of summers left to collect these Coppertone scented memories.

But today my husband is top of mind, because when the children are grown and gone, and all we have left are memories of summers past, our relationship with their father remains constant and tangible.  Wake up, role over, and there he is.  Again.  And so this summer I am purposing to set aside a hefty quota of Yes' for him too.

So why is it so hard to say yes to my husband?

And why is it so hard to say yes to your husband?

Why do my Yes' come so slowly when he asks...

"Want to stop by Home Depot on our way home from church?"   um... 

"Can you finish that later?  Come watch this movie with me."  well...

"You want to get a babysitter so I can take you out on the motorcycle.  ... not really.

"Why don't you grab your computer and sit outside with me while I work on the sprinklers."  uh... 

When I think about My Honey reaching out to be in relationship with me, I want to say Yes.  But in these busy days of saying Yes to three little boys, my husband's requests for my attention often get my last fruits.  Ladies, here's what may happen:  Say No often enough in these early days of summer... and by Labor Day he will have stopped asking.

But today, with summer still young,

there are plenty of long days & warm nights before us.

Here are 3 Things To Say Yes To When Your Husband Asks...

1)  Say Yes in His Language -

Si... Oui... Ja... Jes... Da... Hai... Shi... Oo... Gee... Sim... Ken... Sea... Baleh... Na'am... A-yo... Haan... Ho...

No, I don't mean Spanish, French, German, Russian, or Mandarin.    I'm talking His LOVE language.  Ask yourself what is most important to him, and say Yes to that.  If it's your words and full attention he most craves, put your phone down and listen.  If it's touch, slide up close.  If his love language is acts of service, plan his favorite meal, clean out the front closet he grumbles through when looking for his boots,  or simply bring him a fresh cup of iced tea when he's doing something around the house.  And if his love language is time together, then BE WITH HIM.  I'm preaching to the choir here, and am purposing YES' for the summer days ahead.

(Cause and Effect - Saying Yes to Him will fill His tank and cause Him to say Yes to you and the children too.)

2)  Saying Yes to Sex -

I touched on this above already, for the men whose primary love language is touch.  However, saying Yes to sexual intimacy is crucial for both husband and wife.  Unfortunately we get tired.  Not only do we get physically tired at night, we've grown emotionally weary when our own love tanks are on empty.  Many of us need to be touched, listened to, or just plain acknowledged before we feel available to physically have sex.  But let me challenge you to initiate before He's met your needs.  Say Yes before he even asks, and Yes before you want to. That's right, say Yes by initiating, you beautiful, exhausted Woman!

Yes is always a gift...  sometimes more than others.

(Cause and Effect - Saying Yes to sex (before he says Yes to however you receive love and intimacy) has great power to generate a healthy cycle.)

3)  Say Yes to Laughter

...she laughs without fear of the future. Proverbs 31:25

We don't mean to be quarrelsome and fretful women, we just get tired.  But there's no better season than summertime to pull back, sit down, and laugh. When we serenade our husband's with laughter, we bring us both back to love with the soundtrack of our early years.  And summer is the easiest time to practice this musical Yes, when we sit and play with family and friends during lengthy days.  Join him there, letting dishes stack up in the sink.  Move that pile of fresh linens to the side and join your husband on the couch, with legs and arms entwined.  Throw you head back and laugh.

Laughter is a wife's musical Yes.  Serenade him.

(Cause and Effect - Laughter makes you beautiful.  Beautiful to him and beautiful to you too!)

Say Yes to Your Husband, Dear Ladies.  And I'll Say Yes to Mine.

Pass the Easel - Titus 2

A handful of days before I turned forty, I spoke to a room of beautiful women, spanning generations.  The Topic:  How to consider it Pure Joy amidst various trials - in every season of our lives.  I was up front sharing my battle scars of hard earned truth, and the message went deep. Deep into hearts young and old, and mine too. Afterwards Jacqui walked up.  Broken, face baptized by tears, shoulders still shaking. I took her hand and we sat together.  Out poured her story, mothering 3 small children under the age of 3. Her young at home, her own youth, losing herself in the weary making CHALLENGES of motherhood were all so similar to my own challenges over recent years.  Our conversation moved like the tide; she shared, I affirmed, I shared, she nodded, I prayed, she cried, I listened, she smiled.  Out came her notebook and we jotted down ideas of how she might set aside time each day to merely abide. Then I asked to come to her home the next week.

Later that day I told my oldest child about Ms. Jacqui, and suggested we find a way to help her. Seven days later we were on our way to her home with a few of my favorite Mama Books of encouragement, and the remnant of Baby Einstein videos I held onto for sentiments sake.

My son was a dear friend to her 2 1/2 year old, strong-willed boy, as I made the twin girls laugh. Then we loaded the children into our car and took them to a park, leaving Jacqui on her couch, with her guitar and bible.

We returned the children home in time for naps, I cleaned a few dishes and Jacqui played a song she'd written. My son helped his little charge pick up toys before we left. I hugged my new friend, that younger woman, and found myself amazed how natural it was to encourage her to love her husband and children well and press on as the keeper of her home.  The I wrapped little Joe in my arms and whispered, "You are so lucky to have such a wonderful mum. Now show her what a good listener you can be when she tucks you in for naptime." He looked up and me and then to my son, who nodded his affirmation.

My son, who fought me tooth and nail as a toddler, was encouraging this little one to do it right.

As we drove away I knew a rite of passage had just been traveled. We were passing the torch to the next generations.

Two months later and Jacqui's now a dear friend of mine. I send texts and prayers, when busy lives get in the way of togetherness. Then last night she came over for a cup of tea in my Living Room. My children took her room to room, showing off their treasures.  The youngest and his collection of back yard rocks. The middle-est and his shelves of Legos.

My oldest brought out the water color painting of a hummingbird he'd done that day. As Jacqui affirmed his color choices and the way he captured the bird's joyful demeanor, I remembered our easel from years past, stored in the back of the hallway closet. I asked Jacqui if her little ones would like our easel, then sent my boy to get it and take it to her car.

Today I am thinking of the hours of painting my children did on that sturdy easel. When life was filled with moment to moment mothering needs; sleep deprivation colored my perspective on trials and joy as little hands colored large sheets of paper.

Here I am, just barely on the other side of hard, Passing the Easel.

My son, hardly beyond his own willful fits, passing easel lessons of life to a child so like him.

Older women likewise are to be reverent in their behavior... teaching what is good, so that they may encourage the young women to love their husbands, to love their children, to be sensible, pure, workers at home, kind, being subject to their own husbands, so that the word of God will not be dishonored.

Likewise urge the young men to be sensible; in all things show yourself to be an example of good deeds...

(Titus 2:3-7)

I share this story with you, friends, to paint a picture of what Titus 2 relationships can look like.  I always imagined "older women" having grey hair, grandchildren, and an elderly husband tinkering out in the shed behind the house.  I didn't know "older woman" meant me... now.  But it does.

I wonder if you possibly have an easel

packed away in your hall closet,

ready to be passed down.