Joy

There are these people in our homes, in our lives, in our hearts who are desperate to celebrate each blessed day with us.  They are the ones who stop the raking to throw the leaves.  But you and I... we keep raking.  

As the leaves fluttered back down upon the driveway, this Word descended with them:

Be still and know that I am God.  Psalm 46:10

If I could take a poll, broad and sweeping, I would ask women if Joy was on their short list of goals the new year.  "More happy time as a family, more smiling, more laughter..."  In my eleven years as a mom, this desperate desire to enjoy my people has been a reoccurring theme.

I love a good musical.  One of my favorite theatrical elements is the song writer's masterful ability to weave a reoccurring musical theme  throughout the diverse tapestry of songs.  A simple thread throughout.  One melodic pattern, subtly repeating, tying the story, characters and themes together.  I long for Joy, and not the pursuit of Joy, to be the reoccurring theme of my days. Interwoven through the ups and down, amidst the trials and celebrations of family life... Joy.  Yes, the composer who sang our lives into existence, the orchestrator of our story, desires that for us.

However, if I were honest with you, and you know I strive to be, I would have to say that the most recurring of themes in my mothering life has been joylessness.  This has all been so much harder than I expected it would be, and there was post-partum depression, hormonal imbalance and adrenal fatigue, my husband traveled for work, and my spirit sank low.  And all the while children were born.

Don't get me wrong, there was intense love and happy moments throughout, and I love these little people with an everlasting love, but my soul has spent more downcast years than I care to admit.  And each new year brought about the same Resolution:

Joy...

Until his year, when I threw my hands up in faith and resolved to resolve no more, and told the Lord that He could do it all!

The LORD will fight for you; you need only to be still. Exodus 14:14

And the leaves came down.  And my hands came down.  And the Word came down.  Be still and know... 

Be still and know that I am God. Psalm 46:10

In the striving it's what we know... but in the stillness it's who we know.  Here in the stillness of unhurried moments, I am finding God.  And the glorious I-can't-believe-it part, is that as I find Him, I find Joy.

In Your Presence is fullness of Joy! Psalm 16:11

After all these years of going about it all wrong, I'm finding Joy.  And you're never going to believe this.... it truly is just like the lovliest of melodies, playing through the smiles of my people and the colors of the sunsets and the smell of bacon frying.  A simple melodic ribbon, tying together all the sights and scents and sounds that constitute my life.  I am surprised by it all. Most surprised by the joy.  Because I strived long and hard to embrace it, the Joy, all these years.  But it could only be found when I stopped striving and started abiding.

"Abide in my love..." He said it clear this time.   And I replied with trembling lips, upturned, "In Your Presence is fullness of Joy."

Joy...

I sought for years to embrace Joy, but only when I ceased from striving could Joy finally embrace me.

And there is peace and there is love and there is gentleness and self-control... The whole blessed basket of spiritual fruit we talk about is ripe for the picking!  I see now how all of the fruit really does come up and into our lives from the abiding root of being still and knowing that He, indeed, is God.

Joy...

I find it ironic that one of my sweetest friends, Christy over at The Write Season,  has begun an online movement called Joy Resolution.  I know that I just told you how I found my Joy by resolving to let go of resolutions, but our hearts beat the same... that you would know His incredible Joy-infusing Presence each day.  Follow Christy's Joy Resolution on FB, and share your Joy Stories with us.

Cease from striving

Only six days into the new year and already the Lord is honoring my humble cry for Revolution.  No, walls are not rattling and rocks are not rumbling and men are not marching, but there's an uprising in my heart, because I asked The Lord to Resolve to do a new thing.

 

See, I am doing a new thing!

Now it springs up; do you not perceive it?

I am making a way in the wilderness and streams in the wasteland.

Isaiah 43:19

At the turn of the year I refused to focus on external goals, but committed instead to surrender the wasteland places of my heart to the only One able to bring them to life again; to change and transform me from what I have been to what He has purposed.  And I feel this new thing springing up, I do!  How do I know?  Simple.  There is peace.  My heart is less constrained within my breast and my palms are lying face up.  Vulnerable, resting, upturned, and expectant.

There is no striving here.

It sounds like a simpleton's barometer to calculate the Holy Spirit's presence, but try it for yourself.  Open your hands.  Not necessarily in Praise, though that may come, but simply turn your palms up there in your humble lap, upon your worn jeans or faded yoga pants.  See how your heart ceases to push itself and slows instead to the rhythms of rest.

When I turn my hands this way it's as though I'm giving it all up, expecting better in return.  And my breathing slows.  And my striving stills.  Fingers gently curl around nothing and everything at once, and my eyes prick with tears. It's a Holy thing this vulnerable, upturned, empty-handed life.

There is trusting here.

I'm learning in the midst of this revolutionary nearness that Striving and Trusting cannot coexist.  They are light and dark.  They are polar extremes.  But so often, here in our Christianity, we think that one leads to the other. We think that striving leads to more faith, and that striving will bring us rest.  We think that striving will allow us to love God better, and that striving will allow us to love others better with His love.

But it doesn't.

Striving and Trusting will never coexist.

We strive to decorate His Name with our pens and with our invites, with our crafts and with our menus, with our volunteering, and with our eloquence... but we can only glorify His Name if we are dwelling, resting, abiding... in His Love.

Abide in my love. John 15:9

Here in the hollow of my upturned hands, where my life line and love lines cross, I find myself abiding.  It was not my New Year's Resolution, it was simply all that remained when I gave the year completely to Him.  These next 365 days are cradled in the hollow of His hand, and so am I.

Cease from striving.

And the miracle of all New Year's miracles, is that many of the resolutions I have made in years past are finding their way into my life.  I'm not striving for them anymore, but surprisingly there they are!  The laughter, the calm, the joy...

Striving must have made me mad.

I don't know how else to say it.  Striving must have absolutely worn me down and worn me out.  "I resolve to love better and be more patient..." and the striving for the peace left me wearier than before.  "I will laugh more and play with my children..." but the striving kept me busy so I never sat down.  "This year I will be in God's Word each day and memorize this and lead a small group there and bring a breakfast dish to our playdate each week..."  And suddenly all the fun and laughter has been crowded out with the striving and the going.

You need only to be still.

Our new year began with it's bells and sparkle, and snow falling just up the mountain from our home.  My husband said, "let's go," and because I was not consumed by my goals I said a simple yes, and began the crazy race to find snow clothes for three boys and a man and a woman.  And we went up the mountain.

What more could a woman want but room to live lives free from striving, that we might simply enjoy knowing that He is God together.    With upturned hands and resting hearts.

Abiding

Cease and Know

Abide and Grow

Slow and Low

for I Am God

Peace be still

resting 'till

you know my will

for I Am God

Stop and rest

against my breast

My Peace is best

Abide.

Abide in Love

Here in my Love

You are my Love

Peace, be still.

Transforming your New Year's Resolution into a Revolution

My Christmas guests have left. The boys are running errands with dad and I am undressing the tree and packaging our sweet nativity sets away for the next 11 months. These are my first quiet moments in weeks, with only the familiar holiday crinkling of tissue paper and jingle bells jingling as the soundtrack to my thoughts.  During the hustle and bustle of guests and going, little space remained for this sort of pondering.  But today, here in the quiet, I have 2015 on my mind; looking forward to new resolutions, friendships, hopes, the transformation I'd like to see in my own heart and behavior, and in the hearts and actions of my children.  

"As you wait attentively in my Presence, the Light of the knowledge of My Glory shines upon you. This radiant knowledge transcends all understanding. It transforms every fiber of your being: renewing your mind, cleansing your heart, invigorating your body. Open yourself fully to my Presence; be awed by My glorious Being." (Jesus Calling, December 25)

Here in the stillness of my home this morning I picked up the gift my father-in-law sent me this Christmas, Sarah Young's Jesus Calling, and read those words.  Then I read them again and thought, God's Presence is where transformation happens.

"Resolution" is a word too small for those of us who crave true transformation.  Resolutions only encapsulate habits, tricked behaviors, a list of goals that may or may not last. Resolutions take the muscle we bring and require work each day.  But my resolve each New Year rarely includes the holy waiting that penetrates hearts and leads to lasting change.

No, I don't want a New Year's Resolution this year.  The word came clear as I carefully wrapped each fragile keepsake:  I don't need another Resolution... I need a Revolution, way down deep in my fibers.

Revolution.

If you are contemplating resolutions in these last hours leading up to a New Year, might I suggest that "abiding daily in God's Presence" be top of your list? Because it "transforms every fiber of your being".  And when each fiber is engaged, invigorated and renewed... there begins a Revolution, an uprising so powerful that transformation happens from the inside out!

Resolutions happen from the outside, and we hope they make their way in.  Trips to the gyms, letters to friends, date nights with the man you exchanged your vows with , nightly stretching, and no more chocolate cake for breakfast (not that there's anything wrong with an occasional cake for breakfast!)

But you and me, we don't want to just change our habits, we're wanting to be made new in 2015, completely new in the new year.  And the desire for New is rising up from within, and so all those resolutions that will change our actions seems so small.

A revolution is explosive, bringing life from the thump-thump-thump of your tender heart.  All pent up from years of not doing it right - not thinking or behaving right - not having it done right to you, maybe for generations. And you rise up now, lift your banner high, and cry, "NO MORE!" Lke a country who has known oppression, threatening revolution.  You are ready to fight for freedom.

2015

The anger, the impatience, the hurtful rash words, the heavy sighs and lack of tenderness, the deep wounds... every bit of you, every fiber of your being, transformed. Every corner of your home, every nighttime stressful conversation with your husband that ends worse than better, every sibling squabble that turns unkind.  Every negative word you berate yourself with.

No amount of Resolve can change you.  I'm sorry.  But this isn't hopeless, this is real hope.  Because this is entirely what He can do in your life, when you bring all the sin tendencies and hurting places of your heart to the Creator of the Universe, the Creator of your innermost being.

"If you remain in me and my words remain in you, ask whatever you wish, and it will be done for you." John 15:7

Tomorrow is a New Year, and we're wishing and hoping and making our plans. But it starts here, right here. Abiding, remaining, tucking in deep to the folds of His robes, deep into the pages where His truth dwells active and waiting.

You want to be transformed? Here's where it happens: Abide in Him, He will abide in you, and there will be radical, real-life change in your life in the year ahead.

Revolution.

Resolve this year to do your part, planting the seeds of faith, turning the soil of your heart to the sun, that the Son might penetrate and cultivate and reap a harvest.  But also learn to wait attentively, for the miracle Revolution He's stirring up.  Anticipate.  Abide and Anticipate and do not grow weary.  Let His Light shine upon your innermost thoughts and emotions as you abide.  Make abiding your chief concern in 2015.  Each fiber is about to get reworked, renewed, invigorated, transformed, awakened to the real life giving Presence of a loving God.

Abide.

Here's to a Simple Christmas without emotional meltdowns (yours or theirs)

I get easily overwhelmed.  I noticed it in college first, how I couldn't take as many classes, and hold down a job, and be in a play, and have a roommate who stayed up late talking on the phone... I needed lots of white noise, plenty of peace and quiet and stillness to feel centered and calm.  

I still do.

Today, amidst homeschooling and meal planning and speaking to women's groups, I still get overwhelmed.  But it's not as easy as dropping a class, because now I'm a mom and I can't drop a kid.  I used to break down and have a good cry session in my dorm room, burying my face into my fluffy peach comforter until I felt all poured out and better.  But a quiet afternoon to wail and reboot isn't realistic now, and the "all poured out" feelings hold new meaning as I give and serve and care.

All poured out.

I've got all these people who make noise and get hungry and want clean clothes and a ride to flag football and karate and music lessons.  And it's my privilege to listen and feed and clean and drive.  But I get all stressed out in the loving.

And I've got a twitch in my left eye.

But here's what I've learned about sensitive moms, moms who are easily overwhelmed by the busyness of life... we can be terribly quick to nag and yell and even explode at those we love most.  It's so convoluted!  Because, you see, we're all worn out from LOVING... so we don't act loving.  We're all worn out from the giving, so we don't give the best part of ourselves.  Our intentions are wonderful; to provide fun and good food and a clean home and parties and help in their classes and host play dates... then we get all out-of-sorts from the constant giving and then we lack love.

Love is an action, I've heard is said and so have you, but that doesn't mean going all the time.  The deepest loving is communicated through gentle whispers, in a game of catch, in movie night snuggles, in simply listening to what our children have to tell us in the safe quiet places of our home life.

It's hard to sit and listen when we're too busy loving.

And now it's Christmas and there are presents to wrap and cookies to bake, which means more tape to buy and a kitchen to clean, and "are all the kids stockings about the same size?"  So you run back to the store again for another bottle of bubble bath.  Add to the load a Christmas Kitchen Remodel, so there's dust everywhere and no food, and our guests will be here tomorrow night!  And I'm worn out from the going and doing and decorating... so I snap at the kid who keeps asking the same question.

I'm worn out from all the busyness of loving, that's my excuse to act unloving.

This is simple. SO SIMPLE. Yet hard. SO HARD.

Are you shortest on patience when your intentions are most loving. You give and you give, during the holidays and everyday! And then, all spent, you lack tenderness, gentleness, and self-control. But the goal was to give and to love! The goal was love.

Loading the kids in the car you run back to the house for the thermos full of cocoa and Santa hats for everyone.  But by the time you get to the street that's covered in Christmas lights, the sound of your children singing "Joy to the world" one more time makes you lose your head... lose your heart... and crush theirs.

If this is you, then choose with me to simplify this Christmas. Forgo the hot cocoa and the hats, leave the dishes in the sink, grab hold of their daddy's hand as you drive to see Christmas lights... and sing along.

 Buy fewer gifts, so you can be the gift.

Make fewer sweets, so you can be sweet.

Light fewer candles, so you have the energy to let your own light shine.

Make it a simple Christmas, Mamas. The goal is love.

Just a couple of weeks ago I offered you a pass to simplify Thanksgiving, and one sweet reader asked me to remind her again at Christmas.  Consider this my reminder...

The goal is love.

And so today I bid y'all a very Merry (simple) Christmas and the happiest of New Years.  I will be closing down the blog for these special days, so that I can LOVE, simply love, my most cherished husband and children this Christmas.

Enjoy the longing for Heaven this Christmas

“I do hope your Christmas has had a little touch of Eternity in among the rush and pitter patter and all. It always seems such a mixing of this world and the next–but after all, that is the idea!” - Evelyn Underhill

That is the idea, is it not?  The melodious earth base and tenor angel chorus, blending in harmonies beyond our understanding.  Living here now, longing for eternity.

It used to make me cry, the longing.  But today, at Christmastime, with my children happy and healthy and enjoying the rain coming down outside and the fire crackling and the carols playing, I am praying, "Lord, help me enjoy the longing.  Help me savor it like hot cocoa after puddle splashing with my children. Each sugary sweet marshmellow, every chocolate laden little boy kiss.  Help me savor it all.  Savor the now and the longing, all mingled together.  The present joy coupled with the ache we have for You and Your arms, Your glory-filled ever-after."

Here's my question:

Do you long for His Glory-filled ever-after in your happiest times or those most sorrowful?

I long for reprieve in the pain, but equal is my longing to discover and celebrate the One who blesses us with so much beauty.  I think the intermingling of these two is advent.  The Holy of Holies come down to dwell with us, Emmanuel, amidst it all.  The source of life, the source of strength, the well-spring of comfort and joy.

Where are you this Christmas season?  Deep in sorrow's bosom or overcome by beauty and blessings?  Wherever you find yourself... are you longing for Heaven?

Are you longing for Heaven this Christmas?