My husband never...

My husband isn't.... My husband doesn't... My husband never...

(dot dot dot)  You fill in the blanks.

You fill in the blanks each day, painfully aware of all he isn't doing, all that's not been said,

The tasks that fill your waking life, until it's time again for bed.

And there he is wanting to be close, waiting to touch you in the dark,

but you've exchanged the foreplay of life, for a grumbling question mark.

How does it happen?  How does it go?

This journey from love to drudgery so?

From all that he is to all that he's not!

From the joy of our vows, to a martyr's long lot.

When did our men journey from their gifts to what's lacking,

In their character and marrow, their doing, their asking?

We once celebrated their bodies, dreams, and laughter!

But praises have faded, complaints reign in the rafters.

What happened as we grew their babies and birthed them -

staying home in the trenches of life, to raise them?

Was the cost of life's war, the death of a marriage?

But life's not war, and he's not the enemy I disparage.

We need a resurrection miracle to bring life from this wreckage!

Or maybe, just maybe, we need a little honey mixed into homemade granola.  

---

I'd done the shopping and planned meals that would bless, only to get the call that he wouldn't be flying home tonight.  Fists went to my hips with a sigh, as I looked out over my counter-space, mounded high with oats, separated egg whites, vanilla, nuts, and dried fruit. All set to make My Honey his favorite breakfast for the next morning - a culinary welcome home after long days away, but now he won’t be here.

I decide to make it anyway.  Not for him, today I need to make it for me; not for my belly, but to soothe my resentful heart. And as the wooden spoon moves around the bowl, grace finds her rhythm again. Round and round, pouring in then pouring out, letting all my plans and expectations fall and change.

Stirring in the honey, I realize that I like his wife better when she continues to love and serve, rather than grow bitter, weighed down by unmet expectations. I like My Honey’s Honey when she is sweet. But how do we keep our hearts tender and sweet, and words dripping with kindness?

Eat Honey Each Day!

Pleasant words are a honeycomb, Sweet to the soul and healing to the bones. (Proverbs 16:24) How sweet are your words to my taste, sweeter than honey to my mouth! (Psalm 119:103) Eat honey, my son, for it is good; honey from the comb is sweet to your taste. Know also that wisdom is like honey for you: If you find it, there is a future hope for you, and your hope will not be cut off. (Proverbs 24:13-14)

I drizzled those verses into today's post for you... and for me. Because I'd forgotten in the busyness of my husband's travel, forgotten the blessing of his new job.  In the last minute itinerary change, forgotten our vows, "for better or worse, arriving tonight or tomorrow, till death do us part."

It took a spoon, finding it's way around the largest bowl I own, to hanker again for the taste of real, satisfying honey.  Honey to sooth the conviction: I haven't let God's sweet words heal my weary bones during the stress of our transition, amidst travels and travails.

The dot dot dot becomes suddenly clear.  

Our judgement says more about us than it does them.

Quick to fill in the blanks when we ourselves are running on empty.

I haven't... I never... I always... I want... I'm empty...

I pour the oats into the pan, patting them down, then slide them into the 400 degree oven.  As it bakes, the scent of cinnamon filling our home, I pick up God's Word.  And I read...

Because God’s Word is pleasant and sweet to my soul; And sweet sticky Wisdom doth make me whole. I sweeten with it, and am sweetened by God’s courage to persevere when I’m dry.

Another Grace-drenched mother of boys shared her father’s granola recipe with me (and the rest of the world) here. Ruth at Gracelaced, gave us “Baba’s Awesome Granola recipe”.   From the first hot crumbles straight from the oven, I knew this recipe would become my daily love offering to him.

Sometimes the offering is harder to give than other times.

There he is, home again, weeding my garden as an offering to me.

Honeysuckle vines, honey kind lips, honey baked granola,

and My Honey comes to the table to receive my offering back...

Smothered in vanilla yogurt with fresh berries.

My husband built a tree fort

My husband built a tree fort out of diamonds.  Those Big Dipper Diamonds Dripping Down on our home when he lost his job and I remembered faith.  

Jehovah Jireh, The Lord Provides.

Shaken out and raining down.  I thought those sparkling stars represented how God would provide for our financial needs.  But in my nearsightedness I did not know how abundantly, beyond all I could ask or imagine, He would provide for the heart needs in our home.  Far more star studded gems than I had known to pray for, spilling out and overflowing onto the dry ground,  landing in a mound of tools and lumber.  So my husband built a tree fort out of those diamonds, in his unemployment.

Now to Him who is able to do far more abundantly beyond all that we ask or think, according to the power that works within us, to Him be the glory in the church and in Christ Jesus to all generations forever and ever. Amen. (Ephesians 3:20-21)

Our vantage point is so small, not vast as His view from the Big Dipper looking down, so we can't grasp the scope of His riches.  Not just to provide what we will eat and drink, and what we will wear... but  the breadth of how He will bless and grow and heal us.  His vantage point is love, and His love is boundless and immeasurable.

I did not know, so I simply asked for enough.  Enough money to cover bills.  Enough severance to cover unemployment.  Enough peace to cover anxiety. But He gave more, a diamond "yes" in each shaving of saw dust.

As the stars poured down, the Holy Spirit descended carrying more than enough, calming my husband's heart and giving him a vision for his days at home. Each morning he came to the breakfast table rather than taking a conference call or heading out to the airport, running off to provide for us.  As God provided, my husband rested in our breakfast nook and bowed his head to pray.  He asked the children about their toys and me about my dreams.  So very present.  Then headed outdoors and connected with us there, connecting in ways he's usually too busy for.

And I wonder if The Lord purposed this unemployment as a gift.  Shaken out, poured down, anointing the trial to bless.  Sanctified it, set it aside to set our family aside.  Sanctified each day of unemployment as holy; to do a holy, wholly good work between husband and wife, and father and child.

How often we think the Lord is at work in the blessing and giving. But God is also at work in the taking away. Its beyond me when health and loved ones and financial security are shaken and taken. But God is at work, pulling us away from the world and into Him. Away from busyness and into relationships with one another. Away from health and into dependence.  Away from pride and into humility.  Away from building our kingdom to refresh our desire for His.  He is a good gift-giving God.

 God's vantage point is Love!

If you then, who are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father who is in heaven give good things to those who ask him! (Matthew 7:11)

My in-laws came from Texas to San Diego for a week of togetherness.  For five of those days Papa worked with My Honey.  The youngest grandson always close, pulling nails from old lumber.  Nana bringing a steady supply of iced tea and lemon bars.  The older two boys rounding the corner with Cousin Alex each half hour, dripping with pool water, to see how the construction is coming along.  But the youngest stays nearby, watching his dad pick up each two by four and nail it to the tree.

The posts went down deep, secure.  Platform, walls, roof, windows and skylight went up next.  Nana rocks against each post to make sure the structure is secure and my husband rolls his eyes.  Tonight, as they wrapped the treehouse in siding, the sun went down.  The moon came up and my littlest child shimmied up the ladder,  calling to show me his view, this side of heaven.  There behind him, framed in middle of the skylight, hung the half moon.  And I wondered, How many nights will the boys lie in their fort, watching that moon waning and waxing, move across their 2 x 3 slice of heaven?  And will the big dipper cross their path? And will they talk of their creator in the quiet of this fort?

The ancient of days knew what He was doing when He formed each planet, moon and star; each marriage, family and home.  The Lord built it all.  A carpenter on earth.

And God is able to bless you abundantly, so that in all things at all times, having all that you need, you will abound in every good work.  (2 Corinthians 9:8)

 God's vantage point is love.

And His love is boundless and immeasurable.

Say Yes to Your Husband

Summer is the Season of Yes.

"Yes, you may swim...  Yes, I'll play a board game with you... The beach again?  Why, of course...

I've already championed our need to Slow Down and Say Yes to our Kids This Summer!  Saying Yes to their summertime fun is actually saying Yes to our relationships with them.  Meeting them in the sunshine and rubbing bronzed shoulders, because we only have a limited number of summers left to collect these Coppertone scented memories.

But today my husband is top of mind, because when the children are grown and gone, and all we have left are memories of summers past, our relationship with their father remains constant and tangible.  Wake up, role over, and there he is.  Again.  And so this summer I am purposing to set aside a hefty quota of Yes' for him too.

So why is it so hard to say yes to my husband?

And why is it so hard to say yes to your husband?

Why do my Yes' come so slowly when he asks...

"Want to stop by Home Depot on our way home from church?"   um... 

"Can you finish that later?  Come watch this movie with me."  well...

"You want to get a babysitter so I can take you out on the motorcycle.  ... not really.

"Why don't you grab your computer and sit outside with me while I work on the sprinklers."  uh... 

When I think about My Honey reaching out to be in relationship with me, I want to say Yes.  But in these busy days of saying Yes to three little boys, my husband's requests for my attention often get my last fruits.  Ladies, here's what may happen:  Say No often enough in these early days of summer... and by Labor Day he will have stopped asking.

But today, with summer still young,

there are plenty of long days & warm nights before us.

Here are 3 Things To Say Yes To When Your Husband Asks...

1)  Say Yes in His Language -

Si... Oui... Ja... Jes... Da... Hai... Shi... Oo... Gee... Sim... Ken... Sea... Baleh... Na'am... A-yo... Haan... Ho...

No, I don't mean Spanish, French, German, Russian, or Mandarin.    I'm talking His LOVE language.  Ask yourself what is most important to him, and say Yes to that.  If it's your words and full attention he most craves, put your phone down and listen.  If it's touch, slide up close.  If his love language is acts of service, plan his favorite meal, clean out the front closet he grumbles through when looking for his boots,  or simply bring him a fresh cup of iced tea when he's doing something around the house.  And if his love language is time together, then BE WITH HIM.  I'm preaching to the choir here, and am purposing YES' for the summer days ahead.

(Cause and Effect - Saying Yes to Him will fill His tank and cause Him to say Yes to you and the children too.)

2)  Saying Yes to Sex -

I touched on this above already, for the men whose primary love language is touch.  However, saying Yes to sexual intimacy is crucial for both husband and wife.  Unfortunately we get tired.  Not only do we get physically tired at night, we've grown emotionally weary when our own love tanks are on empty.  Many of us need to be touched, listened to, or just plain acknowledged before we feel available to physically have sex.  But let me challenge you to initiate before He's met your needs.  Say Yes before he even asks, and Yes before you want to. That's right, say Yes by initiating, you beautiful, exhausted Woman!

Yes is always a gift...  sometimes more than others.

(Cause and Effect - Saying Yes to sex (before he says Yes to however you receive love and intimacy) has great power to generate a healthy cycle.)

3)  Say Yes to Laughter

...she laughs without fear of the future. Proverbs 31:25

We don't mean to be quarrelsome and fretful women, we just get tired.  But there's no better season than summertime to pull back, sit down, and laugh. When we serenade our husband's with laughter, we bring us both back to love with the soundtrack of our early years.  And summer is the easiest time to practice this musical Yes, when we sit and play with family and friends during lengthy days.  Join him there, letting dishes stack up in the sink.  Move that pile of fresh linens to the side and join your husband on the couch, with legs and arms entwined.  Throw you head back and laugh.

Laughter is a wife's musical Yes.  Serenade him.

(Cause and Effect - Laughter makes you beautiful.  Beautiful to him and beautiful to you too!)

Say Yes to Your Husband, Dear Ladies.  And I'll Say Yes to Mine.

Big Dipper Diamonds

[Tweet ""There is nothing like living hand to mouth when it is from God's hand to faith's mouth." - Charles Spurgeon"]

Around mid-morning, My Honey called me out of our Living Room, away from little boy ears. “Well,” he said, gently closing the bedroom door behind me, “I just got word the company’s laying off our entire division.” Standing in the quiet of our private space, windows open to the breeze, we simply stood facing one another. He smiled; I took a deep breath then tentatively grinned back.

Those first few inward pulls of oxygen were just what I needed to remind my lungs that we’re alive and blessed. Tentative smiles gave way to renewed faith in the span of 30 seconds. “I’m proud of you,” I said, and we kissed. “You’ve lead your sales team valiantly, they surpassed their quotas and brought great value to the industry, but even more than that, you took this position wanting to learn to be a servant leader, and you have, from first to last.” He nodded.

My comment jarred him back to the tasks at hand, “I’ve got calls to make now.”

He spent the rest of the day negotiating severance packages from the home office. I heard words here and there, slipped out from under closed doors, as he spoke to HR and members of his team. “Our division’s been severed…” The phrase caught my attention.

Severed: Cut off or divided, especially suddenly or forcibly.

I played a round of Go Fish with my middlest, stepped over hot wheels and the littlest, then listened to the oldest practice his guitar. Life was moving along, unaffected by our severed reality. Laundry didn't stop either. On my way past the office with a basket of little boys clothes to fold, I heard, "Each salesperson's severance package…" The rest of the sentence drifted one way as I moved the other, but the word severance now danced with its root.

Severance: Compensation from an employer to an employee who has been laid off. Severed.

Late one night, as the crescent moon waned and three unaware children slept, we sat together in the Jacuzzi. Cares fell from his shoulders after a burdensome couple of days. Everything had already been said, so we let the jets do their work. I leaned back against the slick grey tile and looked up to the black sky above our home.

Surprised by heaven, as my eyes adjusted to see God's pattern in the sky, I realized the great big dipper was perfectly framed above our roof. Upside down from my vantage point in the galaxy, I sensed God give me this celestial picture to strengthen my faith. That big dipper was dumping diamond stars down upon our home, set against the velvet blanket of Heaven.

Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows -James 1:17

Diamonds shaken out and poured down purposefully upon us. Tears fall upon keys, because I know we've been severed by the hand of a kind God, that we might learn He is our Severance.

And my God will meet all your needs according to the riches of his glory in Christ Jesus. -Philippians 4:19

Diamonds dropping down.

It is my heart's desire, as I live and write out our journey, that your heart is quickened by the promise that God is kind, He is our provider and our provision, and there is nothing that can ever sever you from His love.

[Tweet "God is our provider and our provision, and there is nothing that can ever sever you from Him."]

 Diamonds dropping down.

There is nothing like living hand to mouth when it is from God's hand to faith's mouth. Daily bread promotes daily gratitude, and from God's hand hourly providence brings multiplied love tokens, and is a surer sign of remembrances than if we could have life's mercies all in a lump. -Charles Surgeon